The Perfect Present
by Buddy Williams
Summary: Wanda hates Toad. Toad wants Wanda to be happy. What better way to make her happy than killing the person she hates?


**Author's Note:** Because Todd can only take so much abuse.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

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The Perfect Present

Todd sighed as he extracted himself from the new Toad-shaped hole in the wall. He had tried hard that time, he really had. He had picked her some flowers, knocked on her door and presented them as tokens of his undying affection. He could have sworn it was working too, until a bee flew out of the flowers and stung her. Then nothing he could do could salvage his attempt at being romantic. Even eating the bee for her had only made things worse. Next thing he knew he was being introduced to Mr. Wall and Wanda was storming out of the house.

A few bitter tears slipped down his face as he realized the utter hopelessness of his situation. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, Wanda would never love him back. He was too slimy, too creepy, too…. ugly. The bitter tears grew into choking sobs. _'Why me?!?' _he thought, _'What the heck did I do to deserve these crap powers and horrible luck? What did I do to deserve this life!?!"_ He collapsed onto the couch, his whole body shaking with grief. _'Wanda doesn't love me. She won't ever love me. She doesn't even like me! Nothing I do ever makes her happy! I tried being romantic, I tried being friendly, I tried everything! She hates me. She probably wishes I was dea….'_

Suddenly, Todd stopped crying. Everything was crystal clear. He knew exactly what he had to do to make Wanda happy. He slowly got up and shuffled toward the kitchen. With each step, his frown slowly shifted into an abnormally large smile. _'She hates me now, but after I do this, she won't. This will make her happy!' _he thought with glee. He approached the counter and jerked open the silverware drawer. Pausing for a moment, he deliberated about which knife was the best suited for what he had in mind. Then, deciding it doesn't really matter as long as it's sharp, he grabbed one and hopped out of the kitchen.

Giggling softly to himself, he looked around the house, _'Now, where to do it? It needs to be somewhere I know she'll see it. She needs to see it; needs to know what I did for her; needs to see how much I love her.' _Suddenly, he knew the perfect place. _'Her room! Of course! She'll come back, open the door, and then she'll see what I did! Then she'll see my… present. Yes, that's right. It's my present to her.'_

With a wide grin he hopped up the stairs and began picking the lock to her room. Within minutes he was standing inside, the door closed behind him. _'Can't let the others see what I'm doing; they might try and stop me. That would be just like them; trying to stop me when I finally figured out how to make Wanda happy.'_ Grinning, he began laying down newspapers on her floor. After all, he didn't want to make a mess all over her clean carpet. That would be rude. He let out a high-pitched giggle and gripped the knife tighter. This was it, this was his time to shine. When Wanda came back and saw what a good boy he'd been, what a good present he'd given her, she wouldn't hate him anymore! She'd love him!

But, a little voice at the back of his mind was whispering annoyingly to him, _'Are you sure this is what she wants?_ _What if she doesn't like your "present"?' _Todd shook his head. No, that was impossible. She hated him, loathed him! Doing this would make her happy! With hardened resolve he raised the knife high, then brought it down quickly, making the first cut.

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Wanda opened the door to the Brotherhood house and stepped inside, rubbing her swollen shoulder unconsciously. She had been gone for three hours, visiting the local New Age shop to purchase some herbal remedies for bee stings. Remembering the cause of this particular bee sting, she sighed. Toad.

At first, she had been disgusted by the little wart. Even now she thought his habit of snapping up insects was disgusting. However, as she spent more time with him (mostly against her will) she realized that there was more to the bug-eating shrimp than met the eye. Sure, he wasn't the smartest guy around, but she could tell he genuinely cared. Now if only he was better at showing it! Every time she gave him a chance, he went and blew it, the bee being the most recent example. Although, technically the bee wasn't his fault, and he was just trying to help by eating it…. She trudged up the stairs toward her room, thankful that the others were all out doing things. She needed alone time right now.

She approached the door and opened it. The second she did, she let out a terrified scream. There, on her floor, lay the unmoving figure of Todd Tolansky covered in blood with a knife hanging out of his limp hand.

"Oh my God! Todd!" Wanda shrieked and fell to her knees. "No, no, this can't be happening, this can't be.."

"Ugh… Wanda?"

Wanda froze. Todd was alive…? TODD WAS ALIVE!!! Wanda reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt then began shaking him roughly. "You little bastard! Why the hell did you try to kill yourself?!?"

Todd looked confused, "Kill myself?" He looked down, noticing the red substance and the knife. Then he burst out laughing.

"Shut up!" Wanda yelled and shook him harder, "This isn't funny!"

Todd's laugher gradually died down to the occasional chuckle. "But it is funny! This is all just a misunderstanding."

"Well then, what the hell is going on?"

Todd grinned, "Well, I figured I kind of messed up with the flowers, so I decided to make it up to you by making you a present." With that he pulled out a small wrapped object from behind him and handed it to her. Wanda hesitantly reached out and removed the wrapping. What she saw almost shocked her more than Todd's pseudo-suicide had.

It was a wood carving. Of her. She was standing there, feet firmly planted on the ground; her arms crossed in defiance. The detail was amazing. Small notches defined every strand of hair, sweeping cuts made her cloak seem like it was billowing in the wind, and small wood shavings had been carved into ankhs and attached to her ears as earrings. The entire thing was painted to look just like her as well, right down to the tiny, blue eyes. But what made the carving so amazing was her smile. She had seen the Mona Lisa, and if she had to pick between the two, she would have to say that Todd had out done DaVinci on this one.

Todd smiled sheepishly and gestured at the red splotches he was covered in. "I kinda made a mess with the paint, but I can see how you'd think it was blood… good thing I put down newspaper. After I finished I waited for you to get back, but I kinda fell asleep." He smiled hopefully, "So Wanda, do you like it?"

Wanda tore her eyes off the carving and slowly looked up at Todd, then reached backwards and closed the door.

A few minutes later a very happy Todd stumbled out of Wanda's room grinning goofily, covered in red paint and what anyone who didn't know better would have thought was lipstick.

End.

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**Author's Note:** Had you going there, didn't I? Silly reader, don't you know Todd would never kill himself? Suicide is for quitters, and Todd doesn't know when to quit.

Now, I went to all the trouble to write that so the least you can do is review it. Please?


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